Radiant

After watching the putrid awfulness that was The Haunting in Connecticut tonight, I endured the painful ritual of squinting for a bus on Oxford Street. Too proud to wear my glasses all of the time and too freaked out to attempt contacts, I instead choose to damage my eyesight even further by going it alone.

While squinting, I was approached by a seemingly innocuous member of the public. I usually feel that my crazy-meter is fairly accurate. Admittedly it is somewhat swayed by the simple things. A man with a shirt and tie is far less likely to disturb it, compared to say a man in a dressing gown made of banana skins.

My visitor barely registered on the crazy-meter. He was a middle-aged black man with smart attire. He didn't smell of whiskey and he didn't carry an axe. His first words to me were as follows:

'Excuse me, I'd like to tell you that you look as radiant as I do tonight'

In the history of 'words that have been used to describe me', the word radiant doesn't feature. The words arrogant and heartless have but never radiant. I accepted the compliment graciously and an odd conversation started.

I told him I was tired and squinting for a bus so was feeling less than radiant. He insisted that my radiance shined through. I studied him, trying to ascertain what religion I was about to have forced down my throat. Surprisingly his motives seemed harmless. After we chatted briefly and he realised he was at the wrong bus-stop, he called me radiant one final time and then we shared an awkward fist-slam (initiated by him of course), which made me feel all young and street and stuff.

I still haven't quite worked out the science behind this little meeting. Firstly, I always assume that I give off an unapproachable persona. I scowl and sneer and avoid eye contact with members of the public. Yet I am frequently asked for directions, money, help and often offered spiritual enlightenment. The most recent of which came from a member of the Hare Krishna who spotted me, smiled and cried 'Are you a good person?' to which I promptly replied 'No', evaporating his silly grin.

Secondly, me and the word radiant are not comfortable partners. My skin is pale so it might have been that but it's also drawn and lethargic. I don't have a glow or a radiance to speak of.

And finally, the most puzzling thought of all, what was he after? People in London don't just give away compliments or even non-judgmental statements without there being some sort of agenda. Why wasn't this comment followed up by an attempted sale of blessed heather? Why wasn't my radiance immediately suited to Scientology? I just don't get it.

I suppose some idiot could say that it's a 'sad state of affairs' when someone can't accept positivity from a stranger without second-guessing where it came from. But said idiot probably lives somewhere like Devon or Jersey.

Okay so I should probably stop being such a cynical cunt and embrace my radiance. My friend has already tipped it to be a new nickname. Radiant, like a fabric conditioner. It's certainly a step up from prior nicknames.

Fuck it, even if it was a practical joke or even if I failed to see his loyal eye-dog, I'm taking it. Radiant. These days, I'll take what I can get.

- Oh and I just realised the date of this post and wanted to add that it really isn't an April Fool's. Really.