Anatomy of a Trailer: All About Steve

1. Sandra Bullock plays a crossword puzzle constructor. Officially the least believable job in movies since Sarah Jessica Parker played a 'woman who gets men to move out of their parents homes' in Failure to Launch.

2. Appears to promote a terrible lesson. If you go on a date with someone and they don't like you, follow them across the country and pester them until they change their mind, possibly out of exhaustion.

3. Sandra Bullock is like totally quirky. This translates into snorting when she laughs and carrying an umbrella around like all the time. In real life, eccentrics don't look like her. They look like Rose West.

4. Oh haha All About Steve, haha it sounds like haha All About Eve haha. Hilarious. Totally and utterly nonsensical but still hilarious.

5. Bradley Cooper romanticises her insanity by saying 'she sees things that other people don't' - fuck, I wish this movie had been set in a period where women like that were burnt at the stake.

6. When a movie tells you it's coming out in March and it's already April and it hasn't come out, well something is ermmm, wrong...

7. 'From the producer of Miss Congeniality and Two Weeks Notice' - wow, so the same person helped fund all of these movies. That must mean they have so much in common.

8. Poor Thomas Haden Church. He's like that sad old dog that's given up on life and just placidly lets you do whatever you want to him. He clearly knows better but has lost the will to fight anymore. I bet in-between takes, all he did was weep.

9. It's set with the backdrop of a hurricane because like Sandra B is like a total crazy force of nature and ermm hang on a minute...

10. Struggling to end your trailer? Why not get Sandra Bullock to fall into a mine? Oh and don't forget to leave out the following scene where her limp, bloodied and broken body is stretchered out, screaming for help.