A while back, in some powerful piece of literature like the Metro or the London Lite, I read that English guys are so appealing to foreigners because of their overwhelming self-deprecation.
It's common for Brits to play it down, to follow up a compliment with a piece of self-criticism.
'I don't believe it! You've just cured cancer!'
'Well, ermm yes, but it took me so damn long'
In the outset it can be charming. It's an anti-arrogance of sorts. An inability to blow one's own trumpet. But the more it progresses and the more frequently it arises, it can become extremely off-putting.
I am a victim of over self-deprecation. I've always had problems accepting compliments. I've been raised to lack arrogance and deflect positive statements with a casual aside. But the older I've become and the more aware I am of what I can and cannot count as my personal qualities, the self-deprecating comments have become a little over-egged.
There's become something horribly deliberate and rehearsed about it all. I have this internal check-list of 'counter-compliments' that I use at opportune moments. If someone says I'm funny, I'll say I use humour as a defense mechanism. If someone says I did a good job on something, I'll say it was an easy task to begin with. If someone says I'm attractive, I'll say my head is too big and my ears are too small.
When someone begins to get to know me, this may not cause offense. But the more times these familiar statements arise, the more tiring it gets.
This is terribly pretentious but I have a quote from the 'Handbook of Positive Psychology' (vomit) which I'm more comfortable with using, than stealing:
'...the excessively self-deprecating person can be seen, in some important respects, as lacking humility...the person remains at the center of attention, with the self as the focus of consideration and evaluation'
It's true that the more you deny a compliment or positive attribute, the bigger the deal you're making out of it. Just think, if you accept it straight off then the conversation is over and you can move on. There is less attention and less embarrassment.
I've tried to counter this by developing a faux-arrogance. If someone tells me I'm good at something, I'll say I'm better. It works for a while, with the right person, but it also reflects an inability to take anything seriously.
I'll master it in time. Even this blog posting is slightly big-headed as it suggests I walk around, literally running into one positive statement after another, which is not the truth. But then, hang on, doesn't that sound sort of self-deprecating...
It's common for Brits to play it down, to follow up a compliment with a piece of self-criticism.
'I don't believe it! You've just cured cancer!'
'Well, ermm yes, but it took me so damn long'
In the outset it can be charming. It's an anti-arrogance of sorts. An inability to blow one's own trumpet. But the more it progresses and the more frequently it arises, it can become extremely off-putting.
I am a victim of over self-deprecation. I've always had problems accepting compliments. I've been raised to lack arrogance and deflect positive statements with a casual aside. But the older I've become and the more aware I am of what I can and cannot count as my personal qualities, the self-deprecating comments have become a little over-egged.
There's become something horribly deliberate and rehearsed about it all. I have this internal check-list of 'counter-compliments' that I use at opportune moments. If someone says I'm funny, I'll say I use humour as a defense mechanism. If someone says I did a good job on something, I'll say it was an easy task to begin with. If someone says I'm attractive, I'll say my head is too big and my ears are too small.
When someone begins to get to know me, this may not cause offense. But the more times these familiar statements arise, the more tiring it gets.
This is terribly pretentious but I have a quote from the 'Handbook of Positive Psychology' (vomit) which I'm more comfortable with using, than stealing:
'...the excessively self-deprecating person can be seen, in some important respects, as lacking humility...the person remains at the center of attention, with the self as the focus of consideration and evaluation'
It's true that the more you deny a compliment or positive attribute, the bigger the deal you're making out of it. Just think, if you accept it straight off then the conversation is over and you can move on. There is less attention and less embarrassment.
I've tried to counter this by developing a faux-arrogance. If someone tells me I'm good at something, I'll say I'm better. It works for a while, with the right person, but it also reflects an inability to take anything seriously.
I'll master it in time. Even this blog posting is slightly big-headed as it suggests I walk around, literally running into one positive statement after another, which is not the truth. But then, hang on, doesn't that sound sort of self-deprecating...
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