Streets on Fire

Tonight, I had a brief altercation with a total stranger.

This isn't like me. I'm really not a confrontational person, opinionated perhaps, but I rarely get into that many serious arguments. Especially with people I don't know.

Walking to catch our bus, my housemate and I were heading across a short, rarely used cul-de-sac when a female cyclist started calling for us to move, in an unnecessarily aggressive tone.

'Excuse me! Excuse me!'

We moved and, exasperated, she cycled through. Its worth noting that there was space on either side of us for her to pass.

She muttered something under her breath as she passed and, almost involuntarily, I spoke.

'Fuck off'

It had meant to be a quiet aside to my housemate but my voice projected more than I had intended and her bike stopped ahead of us.

My heart sank and the coward inside of me desperately searched for an alternative excuse for why I might have sworn with such sudden aggression. Maybe my housemate was my girlfriend who had just told me of her recent abortion? Maybe we had been trying for a child for months and after the accident the doctors didn't think I could make babies ever again? But in a frenzy, I decided to be stubborn and use my mounting hatred for all cyclists to get me through.

'Excuse me?'

As we reached her, I reacted, rather weakly.

'We were just walking across the street and you started shouting at us'

Surprised that I wasn't apologising, she shook her head and started to cycle away, but not before one final retort.

'If I was a car, you'd be dead'

This luckily tapped into the biggest reason why cyclists annoy me. They take all the benefits of being a pedestrian and also all the benefits of being a car driver. I couldn't help but half-shout one final, rather childish reply.

'Yeah, well you're not a car!'

Ever since moving to London, cyclists have joined the ranks of child rapists and musical theatre actors in my hall of profound hatred. They're all like, 'Look at us, we're getting in everyone's way and causing multiple accidents but we're getting great exercise and like totally saving the planet!'

Tonight, I stood up for all those poor wheel-less walkers who probably had the better sense to lower their cursing when addressing strangers.

This is the beginning cyclists. Mark my words. Red lights are meant for you but the pavement isn't so keep the fuck away. The next time I almost get hit by a reckless cyclist, I might even use two swears. Like Fuck Shit or perhaps something a little less nonsensical perhaps.

Watch out.